de ce?

De ce nu poate sa fie simplu la mine? De ce trebuie sa fie asteptari mari de la mine? De ce nu pot fi eu insumi cand vreausa fiu eu? De ce atunci cand sunt dispus sa ma schimb e prea tarziu? De ce nu pot accepta realitatea asa cum este? De ce prefer eu sa aleg realitatea diferit de ceilalti? DE CE?
E interesant ca toti te iubesc cand le spui de cum e sa fii diferit, de cum e sa vezi realitatea in modul tau unic. Apoi incep sa te cunoasca, incep sa isi dea seama ca si tu esti om, esti predispuis greselilor, imperfectiunilor, slabiciunilor si poti fi o dezamagire pentru toti ceilalti. Si atunci nu mai intelege lumea, cum poti tu sa vezi realitatea diferit si sa fii o dezamagire, cum poti sa nu fii perfect... Dar... am anuntat pe toti de la inceput ca nu sunt perfect. nu a vrut nimeni sa ma asculte!
Long story short, I might be too Irish! I enjoy too much the small talk at the shop when you buy diesel. The talk about weather with a stranger was perfect normal for me! To compliment someone just to make them smile, was something normal till the moment I discovered people I love can be hurt by it! I think this is Irish as well, hurt people you love the most, without to want though... The worst, NO ONE believes you! I would go back in time to show, to prove a point or just to change for the better of those that I love, but guess what? It can't be done!
Is weird! I need 2 languages to express myself! why? maybe cause I can't adapt to any of the cultures... I can't be like the rest... regardless if I try... my very nature does not let me be someone's copy. I chose to be me! One day, the loved ones might understand me, I never wanted to hurt you!
Toate parerile celorlalti de nu imi stau aproape sau a celor ce nu ma stiu, sunt pur si simplu galagie aglomerata in cotidian! Iar cei ce conteaza, pe care ii iubesc, refuza sa ma mai accepte!

are you in a vicious circle?

Work, college... full time, part time... life, sleep....
Well this things are just some of the things I keep constantly on my mind. I would love to be able to decide on something and to dedicate myself to something... but unfortunately I am not exactly in that position, and no! I'm not the only one in this situation. I have to see the balance in between my two jobs, full time college and lately it became part time sleep.
Do I have a life? Well... that is sort of a funny question, I have to do all this, pay bills, share house, travel, go on holiday, selectively attend classes and lectures. I am not complaining of a quiet life. I even sold my car last week.
Yes, I think this is life. I have to be continuously engaged, I have to be present, aware of the future and at peace with the past. I sort of enjoy it. I really need a life where I am busy, engaged in all sorts of activities. I might not have time to go out and be on a binge for a week, but I still have some craic and maybe some times too much ceol. I need them to keep me going. Actually, if I think twice, with some better time management I still have time for some more extracurricular activities. Maybe I should join some sort of society in college or even better, set up the Russian Soc.
Why all this? Frankly, not a clue, but I know that in life you don't lose money, you just pay for lessons. Depends what you learn out of them.

PS: I actually wanted to write another version of this, the sad version. eh.... You're better off with this one!

Just,... whatever... you're not worthed!

And when you keep talking just to fill the silence gap, without to actually  edify someone, but to even attack someone and just to prove that you are the good one and you are always right, would you actually feel any better? Can you even look at yourself then. How despicable you must be to actually accuse someone whk is defenseless, and has no way to ask for it. Does that make you big, strong, an example to follow? I personally can't accept that in my own belief system, or in any other belief that claims to be well established. I really believe that anyone can be full of bull, blame someone who cannot defend themselves and look good  for the time being, but definitely the day will come when you'll have to bow down. Or there is another option, give up the shit you ride on, grow a pair and stand the bitch fest that might come against you, join it and not only that you make a stand for yourself, but you gain respect, you earn it. You don't have to beg for it anymore. You don't need to be like one of my teachers, but you can be like one of my brother's techers. You can boldly introduce yourself without begging for some respect out of pity,  introducing yourself using the term "ms". Never mind the rest, stand up when everyone is sitting down, speak up when everyone else is having their own pity party, deal with it when everyone else is bitching about it. Be you, be yourself. Even if you're bad at being yourself, you're still the best! No one can do it better than yourself.

Atat de mult de spus, atat de putin de asternut!

De atatea ori ma gandesc la concepte, la idei, dezbateri, si cateodata pot sa insir discursuri intregi in mintea-mi incarcata de cotidian, dar odata ce am sansa de a pune pe hartie toate aceste cugetari, ma pierd in ele si nu pot sa le astern asa cum as dori.

Real, Fear, Panic, Sleep

Yesterday I went to sleep during the day. After half an hour I woke up, but I could not move my whole body. My brain was active, I was processing the fact that I want to open my eyes but I couldn't do it. I really thought I blinded, and that's why I couldn't see anything. I was on the verge of calling(shout) for my housemates, but I didn't. I don't realise why I didn't, I don't know if I was hesitating or if I was not able, but I know I didn't move my hands. One fact is that my brain was running images which I thought were real, till the moment in my images my hands were running under a jet of water, but I processed that my hands are't wet. That's the moment when I actually tried to open my eyes, to see the reality. I know that once I blinked but a black image came up in front of my eyes. That was the moment I realised I cannot see and I hardly can even open my eyes.
If you know what is this called, or if you know someone who could explain me this phenomena, or if anyone is looking to research this phenomena let me know and help me get in contact with them.
Thank you!

education

And from the long wasted hours watching everything just to find this bits and pieces that are worted to be published, I found this guy, Suli.
Check this out. He put this nice all together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-eVF_G_p-Y

the title

interesting the fact most people do, think, learn. exactly that order. do they know what they do? defnetly not! do I know What I write?... not really. Most of the time I can talk and talk, and I know what to speak without to say absolutly nothing. This time, is it any different? Of course not. I want to put something on epaper, i need my own space to spread my intelectual treasure. But i need to put it on a black expensive velvet, so it can show off its real value. Many people would....

doar o alta intrebare!

Cum exprimam noi tonalitatea in scriere intr-o societate unde nu mai avem virgula, punct iar ortografia si punctuatia par a fi nu doar irelaevante, ci chiar inexistente?
Si cum poate cineva sa inteleaga tonalitatea intr-o opera daca in anul intai de facultate are o citire incoerenta, mai slaba ca a unui elev inconstiincios in semestrul 2 in clasa a II-a?
Cand o sa pot si eu sa ii privesc pe toti in ochi si sa le pot spune adevarul cu dragoste sa ii pot indrepta fara ca interlocutorii mei sa se simta ofensati de actul meu incarcat cu o aura plina de intentii bune?

Can you actually make money online?

I suppose many if you, same as me, tried to make money online, at least once. The other day my brother told me about this new opportunity online. Of course, I lost money before online, on gambling websites, bux, and many other things. I couldn't believe him that this is real.
Well... If you don't risk, than you can't know. So I eventually invested now in this new website. Is called bannersbroker.com. It is a website that invests in advertising. To explain the concept easier; you invest in the company, they have a greater capital so they pay you back for your investment.
If you are curious just go to Banners Broker and check it out, you can sign up, it's free and you don't get spams. If you are not sure don't rush into buying anything. I invested, I see my money growing but I didn't cash out yet. As soon as I cash out I'll let you all know. In the mean while you can check it out, see if it's for you, if you have any questions let me know. Once again www.bannersbroker.com
Regards,
Cristian